3am thoughts hitting differently? Here are some gentle practices that actually help.

I know the feeling well. Waking what feels like a thousand times through the night. Rolling onto your left side, then trying your right, and nothing is comfortable. Eventually even the sound of your own breathing starts to frustrate you.

The funny thing is, it is usually not physical comfort that is the issue. It is our busy mind.

Sometimes it is obvious, and we know it is our mind at work. We start by replaying a conversation that did not go the way we had hoped, and down the rabbit hole we go. The thread has been pulled, and there is no going back. Other times it is less obvious. A reaction you cannot quite trace back to its source, a feeling of being stuck in the in-between, or a low hum of anxiety with no name and no clear cause. And that is equally painful, because there is nothing obvious to solve.

Then you check the time, work out exactly how little sleep you will actually get, and the spiral continues.

So what can you do?

Set yourself up: the wind-down

The setup helps. The pre-sleep and the wind-down. It sounds basic because it works. A few things that make a real difference, roughly in the order your evening unfolds:

  • No screens for one hour before bed, and set your phone to sleep mode. Mark your closest people as favourites in your phone and let them know, so that if anything is truly urgent there is still a way to reach you.
  • Keep your phone out of the bedroom, so you are less tempted to check out.
  • Make a ritual of it. A bedtime ceremony, if you will. Something to look forward to, instead of the dread.
  • Light a candle and shower by candlelight.
  • Journal or brain dump. And do it pen to paper.
  • Meditate, or play a guided meditation.
  • Try breathwork. An easy one to remember is the 4-7-8 breath: breathe in for four counts, hold for seven, then exhale slowly for eight. Repeat for roughly two minutes. Do it lying in bed. It signals to your body that it is time for rest.

When it is staying asleep that is the struggle

And if falling asleep is not your issue, but staying asleep is, these are worth a try. Starting with the quickest tools for the moment you wake:

  • Try the 4-7-8 breath: breathe in for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.
  • Try a bumblebee hum. This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system and promotes relaxation. Block your ears by gently pushing them closed with your fingers, take a deep belly breath in through your nose, and slowly hum on the exhale. Repeat for about two minutes, or as long as you like, until you drift back off.
  • Keep a pen and paper beside your bed. If you wake through the night, write down whatever comes to mind. It often relieves the fear of forgetting or ruminating, and we can drift back off because it is out of our mind and there is no pressure to remember it in the morning.
  • Lie on your back with your legs up the wall for two minutes.
  • Lie on your back and press the palms of your hands gently into your closed eyes for 30 seconds. This helps signal the body for rest and gently slows your heart rate.

The one thing that never helps

Scrolling. I would encourage you not to touch your phone if you wake through the night, and try not to check the clock, either. Both only feed the spiral.

Be gentle with yourself. Some nights will be better than others, and that is okay.

If the 3am spiral feels familiar, if it is less about sleep and more about a mind that will not switch off, reactions you cannot quite explain, or that stuck, in-between feeling, that is the work I do with my clients. When your nervous system feels safe, rest can finally come home to you. Book a discovery call →

With love, Simmone xo